After more than 25 cruises over the years, Michelle and I have seen just about everything imaginable at sea — the good, the bad, and the downright unbelievable and ugly. Most cruise vacations are relaxing, fun, and filled with wonderful memories. But every now and then, passengers make decisions that leave the rest of us shaking our heads and wondering, “What were they thinking?”
So today, let’s talk about a few things you should absolutely NEVER do on a cruise ship. Most of these sound like common sense… but trust me, every single one has actually happened.
Don’t Treat the Ship Like a Reality TV Show
First and foremost, never let gambling losses or too much alcohol push you into reckless behavior. Cruise ships are meant for vacations, not personal meltdowns. If you lose money in the casino, take a breath, walk away, and enjoy the ocean view instead of making a life-changing mistake.
Keep Kids Safe Around Railings and Windows
No photo opportunity is worth risking a child’s safety. Please do not place children on balcony railings, lean them out open windows, or allow them to climb barriers around the ship. The ocean may be beautiful, but cruise ships are not playground jungle gyms.
That “perfect Instagram shot” is never worth the danger.
The Pool Is Not the Place for a Life Jacket Fashion Show
Believe it or not, some passengers actually wear life jackets into the swimming pool. Yes… really. If you are uncomfortable swimming, there is absolutely no shame in staying in the shallow area, relaxing poolside, or finding another activity altogether. Cruises offer endless entertainment without turning the pool into an emergency drill.
Don’t Spend Money You Don’t Have
Cruise ships make it incredibly easy to swipe your card for drinks, jewelry, specialty dining, spa treatments, and shore excursions. Before you know it, the onboard bill can become a nasty surprise.
A cruise is supposed to create memories — not financial stress when you return home. Set a budget before you sail and stick to it.
Drinking Competitions Never End Well
Every experienced cruiser has seen it happen: someone trying to impress the crowd by drinking straight from the bottle like they are starring in a music video. Spoiler alert — it rarely ends with applause.
Usually, it ends with security, embarrassment, and a very unpleasant evening hugging the toilet. Pace yourself, enjoy your cocktails responsibly, and remember that vacations are marathons, not sprints. Worst case ship security shows up and you run the risk of being banned from cruising in the future.
Fake IDs and Fake Passports? Just Don’t.
You would think this one would not need to be said, but apparently it does. Traveling internationally with fake IDs or passports is not clever, funny, or adventurous. It is illegal and can quickly turn your dream vacation into a nightmare involving security officers and missed sailings.
Midnight Food Fights Are Never a Good Look
Late-night buffets and pizza counters can become surprisingly dramatic after midnight. Somehow, arguments over chicken tenders and fries have actually escalated into fights on some ships. Trust me — no snack is worth ending up in cruise jail over.
Buffet Etiquette Matters
Here is one that should horrify every cruiser: never sample food at the buffet and then place it back into the serving tray. Yes, people have actually done this.
Please use common sense and basic hygiene. The buffet is communal dining, not a personal tasting experiment.
Don’t Be a Deck Chair Hog
We have all seen it. Towels placed on lounge chairs at sunrise… and nobody returns for hours. Saving chairs for a few minutes while your spouse grabs coffee is one thing. Claiming an entire row of loungers all morning is another. Sharing the space politely makes the cruise experience better for everyone.
Smoking Rules Exist for a Reason
Never smoke or vape on your cabin balcony or in non-designated areas. Cruise ships take these rules very seriously because fire at sea is one of the greatest dangers onboard. Plus, nobody relaxing on their balcony wants a cloud of smoke drifting into their cabin.
Keep Speakerphone Conversations Private
One of the fastest ways to annoy fellow travelers is using speakerphone or Facetime loudly in public spaces.
Nobody at the pool, buffet, or elevator lobby wants to hear your conversation. Cruise ships are shared spaces, and respecting other passengers’ peace and quiet goes a long way.
Never Be Late Returning to the Ship
This may be the most important rule of all. When the ship says “all aboard” at 4:30 PM, they mean it. Cruise ships will leave late passengers behind, and videos of people sprinting down the pier while everyone watches from the deck have become legendary online. Before leaving the ship in port, make sure your phone and watch are synced to ship time — not local time — and always allow extra time to return.
Final Thoughts
Most cruise disasters begin with one simple thing: someone ignoring common sense. The good news is that cruising remains one of the safest, most enjoyable ways to travel the world. A little courtesy, awareness, and good judgment go a long way toward making your vacation memorable for all the right reasons.
And remember: if you ever stop and ask yourself, “Should I really do this?”… the answer is probably no. The internet is already full of cruise horror stories. Don’t become the next viral video.
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